The topmost NINE, undivided, shows the king employing its subject in his punitive expeditions. Achieving admirable awareness, he breaks only the chiefs of the rebels. Where his prisoners were not their associates, he does not punish. There will be no error.
The point that I’m trying to get across to you is that you’re destroying your ability to deal successively with your life by your addictive behavior.
The only way I have felt any success in interrupting this behavioral cycle is by going on the road with you, but I’m stuck in a complicated net of financial lack and other things. Obviously, I just tried to get back out on the road with you, and ended up spending $1,000 I didn’t have to get to Susanville and back.
Long story short: I can’t blow up my life in a desperate attempt to interrupt your addictions.
But outside of that, I don’t really know how to have a positive impact. It seems that given the chance to check out on your phone and/or playstation, that that’s what you’re going to do. And, you’re going to rationalize this checking out with the idea that you’re waiting for one thing or another. And then you’re going to emotionally defend this rationalization by being petulant and resentful toward the people who are hoping to help you.
This is what I mean by saying that you’re critique of people protesting guns is coming from the same sort of mindset as those people. Both of you are fixated on your rights. It doesn’t matter if you’re on the Left or Right. Defending freedom is worthless if you don’t even make use of the freedom you have.
Just intrinsically, addicts can’t be free, whether they own a gun or not.
And all of this is a rather unpleasant truth. The virtue of being on the road doing podcasts is that we can approach this truth in a context of enjoyable and productive experience. As Jack Nicholson types over and over in The Shining: All work and no play make Jack a dull boy.
So, I still have things to do in Eugene. I should record a new record. I have a memorial concert to help organize and to play in. I have some paying gigs, and a couple festivals, that’ll keep me in Oregon till mid-July. Given infinite money, I’d be on the road as much as possible. I just have something like the opposite of infinite money.
It makes much better sense to work at booking a proper tour for late summer and fall.
The only problem with this plan, is that it takes away the one means I am aware of for interrupting your cycle of addiction and this putting you in a position to grow up in a healthy and productive way. Seems to me the lure of the basement, which is really the playstation and your phone, is too strong. And that you are reluctant to admit that these addictions are a problem, outside of everything else.
I know there is a cyclic interaction, between a socially impoverished life and addictions of all sort. It’s what’s called a vicious circle, where social impoverishment (the absence of emotionally connected productive society) leaves people vulnerable to addiction, as they seek to medicate their own depression. This addiction leads to increased isolation, which leads to increased feelings of lack, which leads to increased indulgence in the addiction.
Again: the only way I understand to interrupt this vicious cycle within you is by taking you on the road. If you recall, each time we went, the start is always the same, where you’re checked out as a consequence of being immersed in the addiction lifestyle and eventually I snap at you. Then you cut the shit somewhat and things get better.
The only time my first encounter with you was different was on your return from Australia. Unfortunately, though, this return reunited you with your playstation and the literal and psychological basement.
This basement is the psychological underworld of our family lineage. It is not mere coincidence that you are in Bill and Betsy’s basement. By that I mean to say that you’re surrounded by the unsorted psycho-emotional clutter of your family. This is the mess you’ve been born into.
So, my point is not to critique you. I think you, as an individual, bring a breath of fresh air into what is essentially a crypt. I’m just trying to help you not get caught in the deathtrap you’ve been born into. And doing this requires alerting you to the ways in which your own behaviors are working to do just that.
Those ideas you have, about how when something in the future happens, then you’ll change, are an illusion. To put it in terms of Ready Player One, Oasis is a mirage.
But, there’s an easter egg within that illusion, within that mirage. Recovering this egg doesn’t require that you geek-ishly study the life of the creator of the most popular fictional world, but that you study the creation of your own life.
You are the creator of your own life; and the fantasy you have about changing everything when something in the future happens, is just the unconscious form of your true creative ability. It is the mirage form of a real oasis.
And the only way to find the real Oasis is to puncture your own mirage, by coming to recognize and interrupt the addictive processes by means of which you unconsciously create the world.