I Dream of Noam Chomsky as a Common Man

Dreamed Noam Chomsky and Steven Pinker were in my band, though neither played an instrument or sang. Noam made sense to me, but I couldn’t understand why Pinker was there. What’s more, the two didn’t like each other. But, I was thrilled to be in a band with Chomsky, and he gave me a really nice blurb in support of my songs which I can’t remember.

Later on, I came across Chomsky working at a pizzeria. He was the only one there and as soon as I walked up he offered me one of the pre-made pies, which were all of a peculiar variety that he could not recommend to me. I wanted instead for him to make me something to order, but he was very reluctant. I realized he’d never made a pizza, and eventually, that he’d never done any sort of service work. After observing and joking about his awkwardness for a little bit I asked if he was familiar with Gordon S Woods’ description of the difference between a gentle and a common man in colonial America. He said he wasn’t, so more directly I asked if he was afraid to do any work because that would mean he was no longer a gentleman. He seemed embarrassed but I assured him that I knew exactly how he felt.

Just then someone came and asked if he could make change for a $20. Chomsky opened the register and gave him a ten and two fives. “There it is,” I said, “you’ve done it. That’s the essential act of commerce. You’re now common.”

It turns out to me now that I was wrong about that. Making change is not commerce. Sorry Noam.

Anyway, I never got any pizza, but proceeded to a long and harrowing adventure that began when I learned that Jans Ingber was George Washington reincarnated. Sounds like great news, I know, but things went very wrong.

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